Few days back, I posted an
Article titled, “A Woman's Duties towards her Husband” and in response to that,
I received many requests for posting the duties of Husbands towards their Wives
as well. This article is in the continuance to what I posted earlier. Hope the
readers will appreciate.
Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala has prescribed certain rights of the husband
towards their wives. The Holy Qur’an says: “The women have almost the same
rights over men as men have certain rights over the women in kindness.”
Beloved Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said: “Best among you are those
who behave well with their women.”
The Prophet of Allah SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has also said: “I make a Will
to you about the women, so obey my will.”
In another Hadith, the Beloved Habeeb SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam is reported to
have said: “No believing man should have enmity and hatred against a believing
woman. If he dislikes certain habits of that woman, there would certainly be
some virtues in her too.”
The Hadith means that the woman must be having both good and bad habits. Man
should not always point out her bad habits only. He should also appreciate her
good habits.
There are certain obligations that men owe to the women and these obligations
should be fully appreciated.
1. Every husband has the obligation to provide for the sustenance of his wife.
She should be provided with adequate food, a comfortable home, suitable clothes
and other basic amenities of life. He should always bear in mind that this woman
has disassociated herself from her parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and
friends and has joined him to share all the ups and downs of life. Hence, it has
become his duty to look after her basic needs and comforts.
2. It should be remembered that husbands, who never bother for the sustenance of
their wives, commit a severe crime of depriving Allah’s SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala
creatures of their rights. Such people would be dealt with severely in the Court
of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala. The Holy Qur’an says: “Men are the protectors and
maintainers of women, because Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala has given the one more
(strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.”
[4:34]
3. The husband should satisfy his wife’s physical needs. The Sharee’ah has not
prescribed any limit for this. But, he has to ensure that woman’s minimum sexual
requirements are met so that she may not commit a sin by eyeing other men in
order to quench her thirst. There are certain men who, after marriage, do not
take care of the sexual needs of their wives. Such people are great sinners and
will be severely convicted in the Court of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala. Almighty
Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala has granted women the right to conjugal relations with
their husbands. The importance of this right can be well understood by the
following example of Ameer al-Mo’mineen Sayyiduna Umar al-Farooq Radi ALLAHu
Ta'ala Anho. It is reported that he was on his routine inspection round at night
in Madinatul Munawwara when he heard an old lady moaning and reciting
melancholic couplets. The Caliph Radi ALLAHu Ta'ala Anho stopped there and
listened to the wailing lady. He Radi ALLAHu Ta'ala Anho investigated the matter
and came to know that the husband of the woman had gone for Jihad long time ago
and this woman has been remembering her husband with these sad couplets. The
Ameer Radi ALLAHu Ta'ala Anho was deeply moved and immediately issued an
official Decree to all chiefs of his army that no married man should be away
from his wife for more than four months.
4. The husband should not beat up his wife without her committing a most severe
crime. The Messenger of Allah SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said: “Nobody
should beat up his wife as he does beat up his slave. He should make love with
her later some time.”
However, if the woman commits a bigger crime, the husband can beat her not in
vengeance but with the intention of reforming her and as a warning. While
beating, he should take care that she should not be hurt seriously. The Books of
Fiqha have mentioned that the husband can punish his wife for four things:
a. If the husband orders his wife to decorate herself with ornaments and
legitimate make-up but she disobeys and remains dirty.
b. If the husband invites her to bed and she refuses without any legitimate
reason.
c. If she does not take bath to purify herself after menses.
d. If she abstain from performing Salaah without a legitimate reason.
In the above circumstances, the husband should first persuade the wife. If she
does not agree to comply with his requests, he may threaten her. If she still
does not obey him, he can beat her barring her face. He should not beat her so
severely to the extent of a fracture or a severe wound.
5. In order to bring peace and prosperity in the married life, both the wife and
the husband should take care of each other’s sentiments and emotions. The anger
of husband brings to the wife nothing but tension, depression and confusion.
Similarly, the anger of the wife brings to the husband nothing but
disappointment, mental torture, frustration and bitterness. It is, therefore,
advisable to both husband and wife to be patient and compassionate in their
dealings.
6. The husband should never
appreciate the beauty and other merits of strange woman in front of his wife.
This may lead to create jealousy and suspicion in the mind of his wife. She
would think that her husband has some illicit relations with that woman. This
thought is a poison that kills matrimonial relations. If a man cannot tolerate
that his wife should wrongly be associated with another man, the wife also
cannot tolerate another woman to share her husband. The woman cannot listen to
praise and admiration of another woman through the lips of her husband even if
that another woman happens to be his mother or sister or some other close
relative.
7. Man is, undoubtedly, made a ruler over the woman but it does not mean that he
should ask her to do a work, which is beyond her capacity, or a work which she
would not like to do. If the husband still insists his wife to do the work
against her will, she would accomplish that job unwillingly and this would
create a sort of disgust against her husband, which would ultimately mar their
matrimonial life.
8. The husband should from time to time censure the life style of his wife -
sometimes in a harsh tone, sometimes with love and affection and sometimes with
persuasion. There are husbands who always keep a rod hanging with their
moustaches and never treat their wives in a good manner other than rebuking and
beating them. Such wives get frustrated and start hating their husbands. There
are other hen-pecked husbands who over-pamper their wives even after they commit
severe blunders. Their wives become stubborn and outspoken.
9. The husband should implement this couplet of Sa’di of Shiraz in their life.
He says: “Strictness and pampering are very good things but at appropriate
times”. For example, the surgeon cuts open the wound but at the same time apply
soothing ointment. Likewise, the husband should not be very strict nor very
soft. A middle path always brings good results.
10. The husband, while setting out on a tour, should go to his wife and
informally seek her consent in a loving manner and as a matter of goodwill. He
may ask her to invoke the Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala that the journey
may prove safe and beneficial for him. Similarly, while returning from the tour
he should bring some exclusive gifts for her. This gesture would encourage the
wife to think with satisfaction that my husband loves me to the extent that even
if he was away engaged in his business activities, he remembered me. Thus, a
simple initiative on the part of the husband will win over the heart of his
wife.
11. If the woman brings anything from her father’s house or prepares herself and
presents it to the husband, he should express gratitude and appreciate it. This
will please her. The husband should never reject or discard or criticize any
gift offered by his wife.
12. If the wife falls sick, the husband should dedicatedly look after her. He
should take extra pain in her nursing, feeding, etc. This little service will
win over the heart of the wife and she will be very grateful to the husband.
13. The husband should
express his full confidence and trust in his wife and, to prove this, he should
hand over the domain of the house to her so that she may feel dignified and
involved. The Holy Prophet of Islam SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said that
the woman is the guardian and caretaker of her husband’s house and Almighty
Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala will take an account from her in this regard on the
Day of Judgement.
14. The very benefit of relying on the wife would be that she would feel herself
responsible for a vital department in the set up of the household. This will
give the husband an opportunity to freely think of other things regarding the
promotion and progress of his business.
15. The husband should never share the secrets of her wife with others.
Sayyiduna Rasoolullah SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said: “Worst is the person
in the sight of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala who goes to his wife and then
discloses her secrets and lowers her status in the eyes of others”.
16. The husband should be neat and clean as he expects the same from his wife.
He should look smart, dynamic and a loveable person.
17. The husband should provide her with the paraphernalia of personal hygiene
such as soap, hair oil, comb, Mehndi, perfumes, etc. so that the wife may keep
herself neat and clean and in better looks.
18. The husband should not level charges of corrupt practices against his wife
without going into the depth of the matter. The relationship between a husband
and a wife is based purely on mutual understanding. They have to trust each
other. Any baseless suspicion against each other would mar the relations of the
husband and wife. A Hadith says: “One Bedouin came to the court of the Holy
Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam and said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle SallAllaho
Alaihi wa Sallam, my wife has delivered a child who is dark complexioned and
does not resemble me. I am sure it is not my child’. The Holy Prophet SallAllaho
Alaihi wa Sallam said, ‘Do you have some camels?’ He said, ‘Yes, I have many
camels’. The Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam asked, ‘What is the
colour of those camels?’ He said, ‘They are brown’. The Prophet of Islam
SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam asked, ‘Are there some grey camels among them?’ He
said, ‘Yes, a few of them are grey’. The Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam
said, ‘Tell me how those brown camels gave birth to these grey camels?’ He said,
‘Some camel among the ancestors of my brown camels would have been of grey
colour and these grey camels might have taken their origin from that particular
camel.’ The Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam said, ‘Similarly, it is
possible that anyone among your ancestors would have been of black complexion
and your child might have inherited his genetic influence.’”
19. If there is some
difference of opinion between the husband and wife, the husband should not make
a hurry to pronounce divorce to her. He should exercise restraint. After his
anger subsides, he should ponder over the entire matter with a cool mind. He may
seek the advice of his elders in this matter and decide whether or not there is
a chance of reconciliation and settlement. If a point of understanding and
reconciliation emerges, he should act accordingly and refrain from breaking the
wedlock. The Beloved Habeeb SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said that the
divorce is the most disliked things among the permissible things in the sight of
Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala.
20. If both husband and wife feel that there is no way out except the
separation, the husband should pronounce one Talaaq after the woman clears her
menses. There will be a temporary separation between them. This period will
give them enough time to review their decision of separation. If they think that
reconciliation is in their interest, the husband should take his wife back in
his arms and forget what had happened between them. But if they think that they
can no more live together, the husband should pronounce the second Talaaq after
she clears her menses. The second pronouncement separates both of them. They
have still a time to think of reconciliation. If they decide to live together,
they have to perform the Nikah afresh after the period of Iddat is over. If they
do not go for any reconciliation till the completion of the Iddat period, the
third Talaaq will automatically come into force bringing a permanent separation
between them. They cannot enter wedlock unless they go for Halalah. Halalah
means that the woman should marry another man and have physical intercourse with
him. The husband number two should divorce her. After the completion of the
period of Iddat, she can marry the husband number one again.
21. There are some ignorant persons who play with the word Talaaq. They
pronounce the divorce over minor clashes with their wives. After the
pronouncement of divorce they repent and rush to the theologians and Muftis and
force them to give a verdict in their favour. Some persons, while approaching
the theologians, tell a lie that they had pronounced only one Talaaq. The Mufti
has to allow them to retain their wives according to the Law of Sharee’ah. Thus,
these ignorant people get themselves involved in establishing relations with a
woman who is otherwise not to be taken as wife without Halalah.
22. If a man possesses more than one wife, it is obligatory on him to do justice
with them. There should be equal treatment among wives in respect of sustenance,
living conditions and personal attention. He has to spend equal time with every
one of them. The Holy Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam has said that if a man
has two wives and does not treat them equally, he would be raised on the Day of
Judgment with half his body paralysed.
23. If the husband faces some trouble because of the misbehaviour of his wife,
he should try to avoid her and keep patience. Woman’s arrogance and foolishness
is a natural phenomenon. The Glorious Prophet of Islam SallAllaho Alaihi wa
Sallam has said: “Woman has been created from the bent rib of Adam Alaihis Salam.
If somebody tries to make the bent bone straight, it will rather break instead
of becoming straight”. Similarly, if someone tries to set his wife right, there
will be more a chance of separation instead of improvement in her nature.
24. The husband should not behave as a miser in meeting the materialistic
requirements of his wife nor should he go for extravagance in her maintenance.
He should define his expenditure as per his capacity.
25. The husband should not confine his wife within the four walls of his house.
She should be taken to her parents and relatives from time to time provided
these visits do not bring any trouble to the peace of his house.